On keeping the dead alive in us.
"Very few people ever really are alive and those that are never die; no matter if they are gone. No one you love is ever dead."
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Death is a topic that few people I know dare to talk about. Heck, it is a topic that many people avoid, especially when it has to do with someone we love. It is avoided even more when it has to do with our own children.
In one of her recent essays Maria Popova, who writes The Marginalian (one of my favorite newsletters) shares words that Ernest Hemingway sent to a couple, friends of his, that had lost their son at an early age. In it, the famous writer told them that "Very few people ever really are alive and those that are never die; no matter if they are gone. No one you love is ever dead.”
Every parent would agree that in our heads, we are supposed to go first, hopefully after our children have grown and matured. It is difficult to imagine the loss of a child, and while my own daughter is very much alive, after a recent event, I can agree with Hemingway’s words.
Death is inevitable, and no matter how much we protect our children, we don’t have a saying about how or when they will die. The focus then should be on providing them with a fine life so that if the time comes for them to go before us, we have reasons to keep them alive in us, without the heavy burden of thinking that we could have done better.